saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
