What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
