If i come over, it means nothing
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
