i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i drank out of a bidet.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
