he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
