i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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