Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
