I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
