is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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