The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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