I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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