Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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