Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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