I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
3 2 1 whiskey
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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