Me. At least after what I've been through.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
