Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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