Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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