Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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