I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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