I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
