I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
