That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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