im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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