She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
