my phone needs a breathalizer
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
