Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
