I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
