I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
