My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
