Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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