You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
