The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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