I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
