I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
