It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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