i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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