this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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