waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
