Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
