from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
