All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
