Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
