Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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