Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
