I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
