So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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