I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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