I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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