I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
