I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
